Changing Your Life pt. 1

There are certain questions that I get asked ALL of the time. One of the things that those closest to me ask pretty often is, how have you gone about changing your life?

I’ve been through a lot. I’ve gone through a couple of really bad relationships. I had some volatile experiences growing up. My political opinions always had me in the middle of something in undergrad. And honestly, at different points in my life I could have been described as less than empathetic, passionate and even occasionally arrogant.

So, I’ve changed a lot over these last couple of years (but I still have a ways to go). I’m considerably more humble, patient, forgiving and spiritually grounded than I used to be. So, a lot of folks consistently ask me how I went about and continue to make healthy changes in my life.

This is where I start when I’m considering making a change:

1. Come up with a vision for your life. What are you goals? What makes you happy? What kind of person do you want to be? Once you have a vision, then it is simply a matter of figuring out what kind of qualities you need to have (or education, or skills or whatever…) in order to make that vision a reality.

So I always start with a list if I already know what I need to do. If I don’t know what I need to do, then I start doing a lot of reading about how people who have made similar changes in their lives (professionally, personally or spiritually) went about doing so.

2. Even if I already know what I need to do to make my vision a reality, I keep reading. I read about how to write dissertations, I read about forgiveness, I read about running, etc, etc… Why? Because it gives me ideas about what I might be missing and it also reaffirms why I am doing what I am doing.

3. Once I know what I need to do, then I act on it. Generally in the beginning I fail a lot. But I also don’t (or try not to) beat myself up about it. I just try again. So whether it be reading/writing for a specific set amount of time, cooking a healthy meal everyday, working out or simply thinking positive thoughts… I keep at it. They say it takes 21 days to establish a habit. Practice makes perfect, so I keep practicing until I’m not aware that I’m “practicing” anymore.

4. This is one that I learned the hard way. I try not to take on to many changes all at once. Generally, trying to change my food habits, my exercise routine, my daily study schedule and my social calendar all at one time doesn’t work out. Instead, I work on one or two things at a time… and once I feel like I have a handle on whatever change I’m trying to make in my life, then I move onto the next thing.

5. I don’t talk about the changes I am trying to make in my life with negative people. They will either try and talk you out of it, or they will weigh you down with their negativity in some other way. Regardless… I keep my positive changes close to my heart, so that nobody but me can alter them.

6. In that same vein, I find mentors, elders, friends, etc… who will support me and hold me accountable to the changes that I am making in my life. Without having people who remind me why I started making all of these changes in the first place, I’m not sure that I would be able to keep them up.

So this is where I start, in the future I will write more about my various attempts at change making in my life. In the meantime, here are some great books on spiritual life changes that I’ve found really helpful/inspirational:

Tapping the Power Within- Iyanla Vanzant

One Day My Soul Just Opened Up- Iyanla Vanzant

The Four Agreements- Don Miguel Ruiz

Mastery of Love- Don Miguel Ruiz

Sacred Contracts- Caroline Myss

Conversations with God- Neal Donald Welsch

The Celestine Prophecy- James Redfield

Of Water and Spirit- Malidoma Patrice Some

Please share! How have you gone about making changes in your life?

peace.

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